this group thing `` jessie

[Nina Papas]

I rolled over in bed, glancing half asleep at the time via the alarm clock, realizing it was near noon, my eyes shot wide awake. I had things to do today, so sitting up and throwing off the blankets, I stripped off my night clothes and opted for a quick shower which took only ten minutes, then dressing in a blue shirt and jeans, along with the wristbands on my wrists I was done. Adding some shoes and brushing my still wet hair and I could go. I lowered my mind defenses and made sure no one was around before exiting the room, down the hallway and out the door, not before grabbing my keys and locking the door tightly, I didn't want anyone to get in, not that I had much. Besides, I didn't have to worry, Jake lived next door. Jake, the man who survived the horrors with me only months ago. I don't know how he managed to not seem so scarred by it, me? I developed telepathy along with more emotional problems. Yay me. Not. The telepathy thing is cool though, emotional problems, not so much.

Jake was obviously still sleeping so I headed into the group therapy alone, having been going for a while now, it was where I met Jessie, my best friend, and who had gone through a similar experience. Her friends were killed which sucked, I had to eat human flesh which sucked, so we both had really horrible experiences, and I mention this because I figured she had it better, but nope, it was the same anyway you look at it. While walking, because I had seen enough cars at the mill to last a lifetime, I called out for Jessie, not via the mouth but the mind. "You around Jessie? Answer back if you are." I could read her thoughts, she could read mine as long as we both lowered our defenses. Otherwise, we couldn't, which was good since I had thoughts I had no intention of sharing with her. Ever. She may be my best friend but I wasn't about to say anything about the little crush. Nope, never, staying in my mind. Besides, last time something happened, they ended up in bed with my best friend(my ex fiancee and my ex best friend now)

[Jessie Burlingame]

I woke up screaming, covered in a cold sweat. It was just after 4 am, and I knew I'd never fall back asleep now. I slid out of bed, breathing deeply and slowly to get my pulse and heartrate back down. The telepathy I could deal with, the nightmares were wearing me down. They never seemed to go away. I could barely remember what a peaceful night's sleep was. I got up and started the coffee pot, might as well get a jump on the day. I had group at 1:00 pm, which seemed like miles, instead of hours, away.
I had my first cup of coffee while staring out my apartment window. L.A. wasn't so bad. In some ways it reminded me of New York. Constant sounds of traffic helped dim out other's people's thoughts. I kept myself turned "off" as often as possible. Believe me, you don't want to peek into some people's minds. Other times it was all so loud, all so much, so many people thinking at once that it nearly drove me screaming out of my mind. I finished my coffee, took a shower, got dressed, and read the newspaper while drinking yet more coffee. Time check told me it was almost 8 am. I'd only killed around 3 hours so far.

I skipped breakfast and instead curled up on the sofa with a book. Maybe I'd grab some lunch before group. My shrink got on me about my eating habits, but somedays, tomato soup was blood, french fries were fingers, and nothing anyone could say would make me eat a thing. When you see your friends get hacked up and eaten by inbred cannabalistic fucks, it kinda screws up food for you. It made me think of Nina, my best friend. Nina had been unfortunate enough to land on a reality show that decided to film in the same backwoods area of Greenbrier County that I'd escaped. Dumb fucks. Nina's vegan, you see, and when she was captured, they served her dinner. No doubt dinner consisted of another contestant. One of the creeps made her eat, shoved so much into her mouth that she was forced to swallow or choke to death. So my little vegan friend didn't just eat meat, but human flesh. At least I'd been spared that horror. I'm sure it would freak anyone out, but vegans especially.

I shook my head to clear away those thoughts and went back to reading. At some point I nodded off, and slept peacefully for a few hours. I opened my eyes, peeked at the clock and saw it was a few minutes past noon. Plenty of time to grab a bite to eat and make group. My stomach lurched as I got to my feet, thinking of food. Maybe lunch was out of the question. I'd try to eat though, if Nina can do it, I can do it. It's a mantra. We both have them, little reminders that if I can do this, so can she and vice versa. Having Nina in my life went a long way to helping me cope. It's amazing what having someone who truly understands what you've been through, cause they've been there too, in your life can do, how it can make you feel.

I grabbed my keys, shoved some money in my pocket, my cell phone in my back pocket, and was ready to go. The little cafe on the corner of the same street my apartment was on was my usual stop. I was greeted with a smile and a wave as I walked in and took my usual booth in the back. Jeannie, the waitress came to get my order, bubbly as usual. "Hey, uh...I'll have a coke, and a club sandwich. Wait, no, make that a veggie on wheat, no mayo, cheddar & swiss cheese, honey mustard. And chips, no fries. Thanks." Yeah, my diet was screwed on some days. Days when I didn't have nightmares, I could eat cheeseburgers, fries, just about anything. Nightmare days, it was Nina-food, as I called it, or nothing at all.

I sipped my Coke, staring out the window as I waited for my food when I noticed someone staring at me. I looked over and saw a man in a business suit quickly look away. I smirked toward my table top and opened my mind. "Get her alone, in a dark room. Yeah. God, I'd love to feel those lips of hers wrap around my....." Gross. I cut him off about there, stamping the urge to send him a telepathic message that would screw up his whole day. Maybe later, I just wasn't feeling up to it today. Nightmare days were usually bad ones for me.

My food and Nina came at the same time. Well, Nina didn't show up in person, but I felt her call for me. It's weird, but we have this connection. I opened my mind to her at once. If I trusted anyone to be digging around in there, it was Nina. "Wondered where you've been. I'm having lunch at the cafe before group. Join me?" I'd have to tell them about the nightmare in group, might have to retell the whole sorted story of what fucked me up, and then listen to other fucked up people tell theirs. At least I'd get less shit from the doc if I'd eaten. I remembered meeting Nina the first time. I'd just been released from the hospital the week before, and it was my first group therapy session. Nina's too. No one knew I had developed these mind reading powers. That's what got me locked up in the first place. Tell them you can read minds, they say you're hearing voices. So instead of being labeled psychotic the rest of my life, I lied, played their game and got out. I never talked about hearing other people's thoughts again. Until I met Nina. The moment our eyes met, I knew she knew, and she knew that I knew. We were both telepaths.

We spent that whole session mostly talking to each other's minds. Replaying for each other our terrifying experiences in West Virginia while we told the stories out loud to the group. We left group that day together, talked the rest of the afternoon and night, and have been damn near inseperable since. She was the closest person to me other than Chris. Speaking of Chris, I checked my cell. He wouldn't be stopping back by town for another week, and he hadn't called. Chris was the one who survived with me. Jake and Nina made it out of the same woods about 5 months later. Chris was in New York, doing his doctor thing, his residency to be exact. We still talked, and we saw each other off and on. But I wouldn't call us a couple really. A familiar feeling stole over me, a calm feeling of safety, which is rare with me, and I knew before looking up it was Nina. I was already smiling at her when she came through the door.

[Nina Papas]

Fingers ran along the smooth cloth of the wristband on my wrist, half glancing around the area so I didn't bump into anyone or lose my way, which didn't happen often but it could. Knowing this place helped allot when navigating around. Hearing Jessie, a soft smile was upon my lips, head tilted back to stare at the sun shining in the sky. "I've been around, you know me, like to keep busy. And sure thing, I'll be there in a few moments." Answering her back, my defenses were on alert again so no one could get in, if feeling Jessie's prescence than yes, I would lower them, but right now, they were staying on guard. Shoving hands into pockets and lowering my head, my walk became faster as I moved through the streets, careful not to bump into anyone to make eye contact with anyone else, it was mainly out of habit. When docs are staring in your eyes trying to figure whats going on behind your brain, you tend to not want to stare much as strangers, also I was tempted to hear others thoughts so I didn't have to feel like I was the only one screwed up.

Finding the cafe was easy, slightly bumping my shoulder into some guy with a business suit, his eyes blinked rapidly, a slight cough escaped his lips as I stared upwards. "Excuse me." I spoke in my most harshest voice, making him step away from me and turn around which was good, there was no way that I wanted to keep looking at him. "Jeez whats wrong with you guys? Have to stare at everything." Shaking my head, not knowing that was the guy that Jessie listened in for a little bit, my hands pressed against the door, pushing open and sniffing the air. The food smelt really good so my stomach rumbled, good thing I didn't have nightmares last night like Jessie so I was starved. Most cafes had food for vegans so I wasn't worried about having to pass on food. Although one thing, there was no way I was ever eating meat, even if I wanted too. That woods experience, that killed the primitive part that needed meat. I could barely stand to look at meat anymore.

Eyes scanned the room, spotting Jessie who was smiling, my own smile played across my lips, my feet carrying me faster towards my friend, finding myself taking a seat next to her. Half stretching, I glanced downwards at her plate, seeing what she was eating which clued me in. She had a nightmare, cos that was what I would eat. "You had a nightmare huh? Wanna tell me about it?" I knew without asking that if she said anything, it would be through our minds, keeps others out who were nosy. "Hows the sandwhich?" I asked, this was out loud so people wouldn't think we were just planning something, people could be paranoid sometimes. Waiting for Jessie to answer, my mind defense was lowered so that Jessie could enter without any trouble, I knew that she wouldn't try and dig through anything else, I trusted her to enter my mind, which was one reason we spent so much time talking via our minds. We both trusted each other enough for it.

[Jessie Burlingame]

"There she is." I leaned back in the booth as Nina came in and slid in across from me. I reached for my Coke and gave her a half grin. "Yeah. Fucking dreams. Sleeping pills don't seem to do shit, maybe one in three times I'll actually sleep solid with no nightmares." I picked up a potato chip from my plate and nibbled on it, trying to get, and keep, something in my stomach. I gestured to the plate, "Help yourself. It's Nina-friendly." This time my grin was back in full force. I waved to Jeannie, pointed to my Coke, then to Nina. Jeannie nodded, she got me. I kicked my feet up so that they rested on the booth that Nina was sitting in. "Same scenario with the dream as usual. I'm in the woods with Chris, we're running from the fucker that laughs like a loon." Crazy thing was, Nina had run into the exact same inbred cannibals, so she knew, at least in part, who I meant.

Jeannie placed a Coke in front of Nina, and slid another my way, since my current one was almost empty. I quickly polished it off and handed the glass to Jeannie. "Thanks." I smiled as she went back to work, then I turned back to Nina. "This time we were up and down, in the trees, on the ground. It kept switching, which makes no sense no, but you know dreams." Dreams, the keys to exactly how fucked up your subconscious really is. Nina and the others from her reality show fiasco had killed the cannibals, at least as far as anyone knew. As many times as Chris and I fucked them up, and they didn't die, one could never be too sure. "I grabbed an axe, the same axe that killed Carly no doubt, from this stump of a tree. I turned around just in time to see the loony bite into Chris. What's fucked up is, his mouth opened real wide, like super freak wide, and he bit off Chris's head in one chomp." I shivered, rubbed my arms, and pushed my plate a little further away from me.

"I swung the axe, nailed the sucker right between the eyes, split open his skull, but he didn't die. Instead, he pulled the axe free. I was running away by then, but somehow I could still see him." Those wacky dreams! "Where I'd split his head started, I dunno, morphing or something. It was two heads, then he kept splitting, until there was two of him." I made a face, sipped my Coke to wash the imaginary bad taste from my mouth. "Then I was surrounded. They came through the trees, like literally, through them. Hands, hundreds of hands grabbing and clawing at me. Voices mumbling something like 'yum yum yum' as they tried to tear me apart. Then I woke up, screaming, covered in cold sweat. Nothing new for my morning." I smirked, grabbing half of the sandwich and picking at the cheese. Hey, I was trying. Alright? I nodded up to Nina. "What about you? You sleep ok?" She had nightmares occassionally too.

The good thing about hanging out with Nina is that she wouldn't look at me funny or become totally exasperated when I had issues flare up. Granted, I had issues before the woods, but now I had SERIOUS issues. The food thing, the nightmares, and hey, how about a little mind reading thrown in on top. Yeah, right, everything about me just screams normal. HA! I felt like I had a blazing neon tattoo on my forehead that said "FREAK". At least with Nina, either my neon glow dimmed or she had the same stamp. I just felt better with her around. I could talk freely, openly, and not have to worry about her thinking I was a complete nutcase. I managed a couple bites of my actual sandwich, munched on a few more chips, at the tomato that was on the plate, and finished my second Coke. I checked my watch, it was a quarter to one. "We'd better get to group." I stood up, ate one last chip and washed it down with the dregs of my soda as I dug out some money from my pocket. I dropped a ten on the table, linked my arm through Nina's and smiled at her. "Shall I be your escort m'lady?" I joked as we started out of the cafe and down the road toward the hospital and group therapy.

[Nina Papas]

I shook my head, clearing thoughts. "Yea, they seem to mostly do the opposite of what they are supposed to do." I mused, looking at Jessie with the still soft smile on my features. She was gorgeous, and standing next to her I looked plain. Yea yea, I had a schoolgirl crush on my best friend, but also, things get worse. Jake. I cared for him too, you don't go through something horrific and not grow a relationship. He was dating someone anyway I think, which wouldn't surprise me. Who would want a freak when they could have someone normal, who wasn't scarred in more ways than one? "Nina friendly, I like that." Snickering, and sniffing the air, my fingers moved forwards to snaffle a chip before munching on it, listening to her tale of her dreams like a school kid listening intently at storytime. We got each other, we knew. Others would have no clue unless they lived through it too, which I hoped they didn't.

Shivering at her words, I remembered that laugh. Creepy, that echoed around the woods sending shivers through your body. "Thanks." I replied to Jeannie before taking a hold of the glass and taking a sip, feeling the fizzy burn on my tongue and throat, swallowing quickly and keeping the grip on the glass, my voice found its way to my throat. "That laugh still haunts me." Taking another chip, it was more to keep my hands busy than anything. "Dreams can be fickle things." Shutting up now, I listened to the rest, feeling my appetite disappear like a leaf on the wind. Those cannibal fuckers always managed to ruin my appetite, and pushing the plate away from me, and away from Jessie, I was more than content to sip on my drink, nodding my head every so often to show that yes, I was still listening. "That is disturbing and horrifying. No wonder your on Nina food." There was no smile, only a faint shadow of one about the Nina food, the rest was gone due to the fact about the dream and its content.

"I slept fine, which was odd, although Jake and I were up talking and cleaning out some of his old boxes since his cousin is coming to stay for a little bit." Shrugging, I slurped the rest of my drink, managing to eat some more chips but feeling not that hungry, yet Jessie was eating a little bit so that helped me. "Yea, better get this over with." I nod, standing up myself, stretching limbs before linking arms with Jessie, feeling warmth spread throughout my body at her words, even though she was just joking. Get a grip Nina. Come on, you can do this. Remember the promise of not giving out your heart? Well, we are putting that to the test. Telling myself, I smiled softly, beginning to walk to the hospital alongside Jessie. The group therapy was held in the hospital so that was why we were heading that way. "How is Chris?" I asked, wondering how he was doing. We we all survivors, me, Jake, Jessie and Chris. We had things no one else should ever have in common, but it made us fighters, and it made us closer. We looked out for each other.

[Jessie Burlingame]

The hospital was only 3 blocks away, and the psych ward was on the side nearest us. I hated visiting the psych ward, it brought back too many memories of the time I spent in here. At that time, it was on a permanent basis, or at least until the docs determined I was not a threat to myself or anyone else. I had them snowed, or else I'd still be in a padded room, probably in one of those nifty I-love-myself jackets, and doped up on god only know how many medications. I'll take my get out of the psych ward free card, pass go, and if somebody threw $200 my way, I wouldn't complain. I shrugged, smiling as she mentioned Chris. "It's been a few days since I've heard from him. Last I knew he had 3 months left of his residency then was thinking of relocating to L.A." I would love to have Chris out here, but I didn't admit that aloud. "It'd be cool, you know, if he does. He did say in his last email to tell you and Jake hi. Pass that along to Jake for me." Jake lived next door to Nina, another thing I was thankful for. Having him near her made me feel better. Like she was safer or something. Maybe when there's more places for rent out here I could see about getting a loft for us. Nina and I had talked about moving in together, and had sleep overs (I didn't always sleep at them). But we both were already established when we met. Still, it would be nice to have her in the same house.

I looked over at her as we stood waiting for the crosswalk to light up green. I couldn't imagine not having Nina in my life now. "I didn't tell you earlier, but you look good this afternoon." I brushed a lock of Nina's thick blonde hair off her shoulder so I could see her face better. She really was very pretty. Me, on the other hand, I had some gnarly bags under my eyes from lack of sleep. Nina's baby blues were like the spring sky on a clear day. I would have at one point in my life added something about being in the middle of nowhere, where you can really see the sky. But now I'm much more of a city girl. No more woodsy outtings for me. Fuck that!

We both acknowledged the security guard as we walked through the hospital proper and got on the elevator to head to the third floor. "I hope we don't have another newby. I'm really sick of relating the whole story every time we get a new person in group." Group therapy was designed to not only help you deal with your issues, whatever they were, but to interact with your peers, to share and grow and learn and all that junk. The first couple times, retelling my horrific experience in Greenbrier County, in the backwoods of West Virigina was ok. It felt like I was releasing something. But after that, it was just tired rhetoric. Hell, sometimes it still fucked me up just to think about it in detail. I mean, I think about it all the time. Something that fucked can't happen to you and then just leave you unscarred. Nope, even if there are no physical scars, there's emotional and psychological ones that you're stuck with for life. At least I wasn't alone. I had Nina, and for that, I'd be forever thankful.

We got off the elevator as it dinged and opened it's faux-gold doors. I let out a deep breath, squeezed Nina's hand, and took the last few steps to the double doors that lead into the common room. Also the room we used for group. A few smiles and waves greeted us as we entered and took two seats next to each other. Dr. Hammon, our collective shrink, sat at the front of the group. If circle's have front's that is. She had a legal pad in her lap, and a pen in her hand. I recognized just about everyone in the room, some were still in-patients. People that had been in here when I was admitted. But most of them were out-patients like Nina and I. Dr. Hammon glanced at the clock, took a brief look around the room, counting heads I'm sure, and started the session. Here we go, 2 hours chalk full of everyone's worst personal experiences. Live and in living color. Times like these I was glad I could shut off my telepath. It's bad enough just hearing about it, seeing their thoughts that went along with their traumatic experiences was enough to make me want to rip out my hair.

[Nina Papas]

Jessie was silent for a few moments, resisting the urge to see what was up in her mind was easier than first thought. She was my best friend, there was no way I wanted to peek in without being invited, for we both liked our privacy, and partly I was afraid of what her mind would bring. My own mind was thinking pretty hard, mostly about the day ahead. Group was okay, it was the hospital that scared me more. I was admitted myself for a while, too freaked out to do anything like eat or speak. Everything just hit me when I realized fully on what happened. I went through it yes, but still, part of me denied it. It was what the mind can do. "Ah okay. But cool! Then we would all be in the same place!" Grinning, only half my energy went into it because as much as I enjoyed being around Chris, all my emotions would get all fucked up. So it was having to play it cool, Jake would catch on quickly though, telepath or not. I envied his ability to read me like a book.

"I'll let him know, promise." Pausing in stride, cars were going past and the red man was lit up, indicating we should wait, hopefully he would go green soon, waiting wasn't a good game with me. Swallowing hard, feeling fingers brush past as my hair was moved away from my face, a warm fuzzy feeling in my stomach rose up and thankfully, my cheeks didn't go red otherwise she would have know something was up, before I spoke. "Thank you. And I know what your going to say when I say this. But so do you." At that I did blush, my cheeks reddening and my face turning away to hide, thankfully the red man turned green and we were walking again, reaching the hospital as I glanced around, feeling dread like lead in my stomach. I hated hospitals, without Jessie, I would have bolted. Not to mention I had to come here after I slashed my wrist so, not great memories around here. Steeling myself, and taking a deep breathe, I continued, trying not to falter in my steps.

Nodding at the security guard, they pretty much knew us by now, we walked past him and into the elevator, waiting for it to reach out destination, stomach lurching as it rose than dropped a little bit to rest on its brakes, door opening and walked closer into the room. "Yea, me too. I'm not really wanting to say it all over again, I mean, we lived through it, spoke about it a few times, no need to relive it again and again. Nightmares do that for us." Gritting my teeth, my feet took me into the common room, glancing around before taking a seat next to Jessie. No way were we going to split up. "I don't see any newbies around, then again, there is still time." I spoke to her mind, eyes betraying nothing as I calmly sat back in my seat, taking the time to stare at the ceiling like I did every session. "I hope this session goes faster, my emotions are like putty I'm about to spill that I love Jessie, and I care deeply for Jake. Hes like my brother so I wouldn't call it love, but shes my best friend! I can't tell her, no way." Normally I was guarded with what I said or thought, keeping defenses up so no one else could hear.

Yet I just spoke that directly to Jessie, feeling horrified, I stared straight ahead, refusing to acknowledge myself or my thoughts at what I had said, well thought, and focused on the docs words, although they were fragmented and broken when they reach my ears and into my brain.

[Jessie Burlingame]

I struggled to hide a smirk as Nina's voice hit my brain. "I hope to hell you didn't just jinx us." I was laughing mentally, something she could pick up on without giving away to the entire room that we were speaking. You know, without actually speaking. In fact, most of our group sessions since we met consisted of us talking to each other's minds while the rest of the group gabbed on about their problems. When she spoke again, I thought maybe I had heard her wrong, until the realization hit me that it was telepathy, so there really was no hearing involved. I rose an eyebrow and looked sideways at Nina.

Ok, first off, let's get this straight, I'm not against being with a girl. I'd just never really gone there. Now, Nina was a knock out, no denying that. And I loved her, like really loved her. But was I in love with her? Could I fall in love with her? Well, yeah, I think I could. I knew this wasn't the way she planned on telling me, if she ever was going to tell me in the first place. I knew she loved Jake, he was her other best friend, her brother in arms. And she knew I loved Chris in much the same way. Only with me and Chris, there was some chemistry that went beyond brotherly love. And here was my best friend, a girl who'd been through the same hell I had, who I loved with all my heart, confessing to crushing on me. On accident.

My heart was fluttering in my chest, and matching butterflies were performing ballet in my stomach. I had this giddy rush of mushy feelings. Part of me, a large part, wanted to see if there could be more between Nina and I. Is there a book for dummies on being a lesbian out there somewhere? It might come in handy for me just now. I was so wrapped up in thinking this over, and trying not to appear lost in my own little world that I barely heard Dr. Hammon talking to me. "Yeah, sorry. Uh, nightmares again. But I ate, a bit, today anyway. Same old story here." She nodded to me, inviting me to continue. "Oh, uh, it was the laughing one. I swear this guy had the creepiest giggle. He was after me, I ran, woke up screaming." I shrugged. It was a good enough recap. The only thing Dr. Hammon could get out of it, even if I'd added more detail, would be that I'm still overcoming my trauma in my subconscious. Well no shit, Sherlock.

I wanted to reach for Nina's hand, but then others in the group might suspect something. So I kept my face neutral, my eyes ahead of me. "I love you too, Nina. You're my best friend. You understand me so well. You mean so much to me. I'd die if I lost you. I know you didn't mean to tell me that. But I'm glad you did. Really, I am. It's just...well, I've never...you know, been with a girl before, like girlfriend girlfriend. I'd like to see. With you. What it's like. If I can do it. If we can do it. I just, God, I don't want anything to fuck up our friendship. Ever. You mean too much to me." I really, really wanted her hand in mine right now. I wanted to look her in the eye. Dr. Hammon had spoken to her next, but Nina hadn't responded. I elbowed her lightly, nodding to Dr. Hammon so that Nina would get the clue it was her turn to tell the group how she was coping. This time I did crack a smile. She was too busy listening to me that she spaced out Dr. Hammon for a second. I couldn't wait for this session to be over so we could talk freely.

[Nina Papas]

"Me too, that would suck." Hearing her speak, through our thoughts, made me want to smirk myself, keeping my face controlled which I had allot of practice at, yet hearing her laugh mentally sent pleasant goosebumps along my body, seeing her raise an eye and look at me sideways, I struggled to keep my head from turning to look back, instead I focused on the wall behind Dr Hammon, which did help a little bit. Others were talking, half of me was tuned in to listen, the other half was zonked out, keeping open for an influx of messages, but nothing else, Jessie wouldn't hear my thoughts yet, there was no way I was going to let something else slip. Dr Hammon was asking Jessie how she was, but she seemed a little wrapped up to notice, debating on if I should send her a message, she seemed to snap out of it, talking, which did make me feel better since she wasn't freaking out, and I enjoyed listening to her speak.

Was I hearing Jessie right? "Your right, I wasn't meaning to tell you like this, too wrapped up in thoughts that I forgot to shut down the link." Taking a deep breathe, exhaling slowly so no one would see a different in my breathing, my eyes slowly moved sideways, watching Jessie from the corners of my eyes. "I haven't either. But yea, with you, I do want to try. And ditto, I would die if our friendship was no longer, but you know, I don't think that would happen. We are both stubborn and caring about one another, that our friendship can survive. Besides, we can try and see how it goes you know? So if it doesn't work, we can still be friends. We will just know each other more deeply, which can only be good. You know nearly everything about me and my past." I directed her an image of my wrist. "You never judged me, or hated me, but continued to care. I won't lose you, I would fight to keep you, keep our friendship." I added, a soft smile touched my lips. "We can try, our choice." I was scared of the fact that if it didn't work out, we may not be friends, there was always that part. But I wasn't one to give up so easily.

Feeling the elbow, my eyes snapped back into focus, smiling sheepishly. "Sorry." A soft cough to clear my throat, Dr Hammon was waiting for me to speak, nodding my head, my words began to flow from my jaw. "I'm coping okay, the usual you know? No nightmares this week. I've been eating better, still can't be around meat cooking though." A shiver coursed through my body, never would I be around cooking meat. That just brought back too much bad shit, and the doc didn't question further, first time here I said about my experience in the woods. Of course, by then, Jessie already knew from my mind. "That just brings back memories I'd rather forget." Mumbling and leaning back in my seat more, the room felt less warm and more cold, less uninviting. Dr Hammon realized I wasn't saying anymore, and turned onto one of the others, who I forget their names. I think her name was Alyson.

[Jessie Burlingame]

I decided to keep my mouth shut, or rather my brain in this case, and wait until the session was over so I could really talk to Nina. Sure the telepathy thing was cool, but over time, if I kept my mind open to talk to Nina, other people's thoughts would drift in. I did not need to see the things these other people lived with. I had enough to deal with on my own, thanks. Dr. Hammon went through the motions with the other 5 people in group, explained why we were short a few heads this week. Jamie was having kemo, Joshua was at his parent's for the week, and so forth. No new tragedies. One of the worst things about group was when someone offed themselves. Now I get Nina's self mutilation, especially after her stint in West Virginia's woods. But for me? Suicide is just not an option. I fought like hell to survive out there, and I'll be damned if I kill myself now. Ok, I'll admit, if it was either kill myself or be killed by those inbred cannibals, hand me a knife, please. But short of that, I was all for living.

Finally Dr. Hammon ended the session a half an hour early. Nina and I practically flew from our seats and made a hasty retreat. "Wanna go back to my place for a bit?" I asked as we hit the elevator. My apartment was a little closer than hers. "Let's stop at the market first. I think chips and guacomole are in order." Yeah, I actually had an appetite at the moment. Probably because I had something to think about other than my nightmares. I was thinking of Nina and me, as a couple, instead of just friends. Once we were out of the hospital, I turned the conversation back to our earlier discussion. "I'm with you on that. We're both stubborn as hell, which could be both a blessing and a curse in a relationship." I laughed, thinking how bad it could get if we were both PMSing at the same time, in the same house. "I don't plan on giving up on you. You know by now that I'd fight to the deal to keep you around." I grinned and slipped my arm through hers as we walked down the street.

I was so comfortable with Nina that even talking about us as a couple didn't bother me. "You know, it's ok that you told me that way. I mean, I'm sure you had a better idea of how you'd have liked it to come out, if you ever bothered to tell me. But don't feel bad. It was a good mistake. I'll confess, I've had a few dirty thoughts about you before. But I just chalked them up to my imagination, you know." Seeing Nina in a bikini, I'd noticed the swell of her breasts, the curve of her hips, and her tight little butt. I thought she had a killer bod. And a few times, I'd thought of kissing her, but never really took those little fantasies any further. Now we were talking about it as a real thing, and I was okay with that. We popped into a small mom & pop store near my apartment and grabbed some avacados and tortilla chips. I planned on making the guacomole at home myself. Minus the salsa. I like salsa and all, but I had a feeling that running red stuff was off the menu today.

When we got back to my place, I went straight to the kitchen and started making guacomole. I took the shell and pits off the avacado's, dumped them in a bowl and started smashing them up with a fork while I sprinkled garlic salt on it. Nothing fancy. When it was completely mashed, with just a few little chunks of avacado left, I grabbed the bowl and chips and sat on the sofa. "I think we should. If anything gets uncomfortable or weird, we'll back off." I scooped a bunch of the guac onto a chip and shoved the whole thing in my mouth. After chewing and swallowing, I needed a drink. I went to the fridge and stuck my head in. "Water or Sprite? I can make coffee if you need something caffeinated." I grabbed us a couple bottles of water and sat back down. "I think we can do this Nina. I'm closer to you than anyone else. And what you said earlier about not judging you, just accepting you as who you are, well it goes both ways." I smiled at her and reached for another chip. I had no idea how to start this change in our relationship though. Did we go on a date or something first? I mean, I don't think either of us was ready to jump into the sack just yet. But suddenly I felt like I had zero dating skills. I opened my mind completely to Nina and let her hear all my thoughts. I didn't have anything to hide from her anyway, and maybe she'd have a helpful suggestion.