So She's Back {Mutant X, Open}

[Lexa Pierce]

"What do you mean she's back?" Here I am, sitting in the office, staring at a Dominion rep over a secure terminal screen. "You heard me, Lexa. Emma deLauro isn't dead. Not anymore. She is alive and well, and within Sanctuary's confines. We are unsure what this means for Mutant X and your position. Your orders are to stay put and find out of Miss deLauro is a threat to the mission." I leaned forward in the chair, wishing I could rip him through the screen and demand answers. "That doesn't answer my question and you know it. I don't care what your orders are, I'm staying of my own volition. I'm part of the team now, with or without Emma." I wasn't even going to bother asking the other questions. The Dominion never liked giving answers they didn't have to. Getting a straight answer from them was like pulling teeth from a bear. If it wasn't in their agenda, they didn't talk about it. At least not to me.

"We're done here. Don't contact me again. I'll contact you." "That isn't the way this works Lexa, you know that." "Yeah, and I also know you'll leave me be and let me do this on my own, if you want any answers at all." I shut off the terminal, done listening to their hypocritical bullshit. They didn't know any more than I did. They had no clue how or why Emma was back. That's why they needed me. I wasn't about to roll over on Mutant X, not now, not after everything we've been through. Like it or not, I was part of the team. The Dominion could shove it if they didn't like it. They knew when I started working for them that I had my own reasons. I'm not what you'd call a team player. But Mutant X, this incarnation of it at least, and Jesse, made me think differently. I had a place here. Even with Emma's return, that didn't mean I was giving it up.

I hit my comlink. "Jesse, what's going on? Where's Emma?" His voice filtered right back to me. "I'm not sure Lexa, but Emma's back, she's right here, Shal's got her." Great, the Dominion already knew that much, and thanks to them so did I, but what else could it mean? "I'll find Adam." I started running a search, looking for Adam, but of course, if he didn't want to be found, he wouldn't be. Nothing on the scan, which meant he wasn't back at Sanctuary yet from whatever personal mission he'd gone off on. "Adam, where are you?" I opened a communications channel, but got no response. "Shit!" I logged back off. Adam would show up when he was ready, and he no doubt knew of Emma's return too. That left me here, alone, while they had their little reunion. So much for being part of the team.

[Jean Grey]

With Emma back, the Phoenix continues to have us watch the reunion, gaging Emma's response to her family just as much as basking in the emotions still around.
As we watch, she speaks to me in our mind,

This is how the X-Men feel, when we come back?

The first time we came back, yes.

And now?

Now they know we're going to come back, so it's not the same. They fear you burning everything away, so there's more to it. But you already KNOW this, you're with me when it happens. Why does this all seem new to you now?

It feels new.

I can sense her confusion inside us, and I remember, the Phoenix Force was a non-sentient being, before she met me. Every transition, dead, alive, good, bad, white... she just doesn't see it in the way I do. We are one, but we are still not the same, and feeling human emotions through me, it will always be new to her, and second hand.
She takes the necklace that Shalimar offers, and answers her question, the one spoken allowed, and a bit of a band-aid for all the ones just thought,

[glow=red,2,300]I am The Phoenix, and I am Jean Grey. [/glow]
She takes an old Comm-link out of thin air, passing it to Shalimar,

[glow=red,2,300]Questions can be answered another time. Now, love her.[/glow]
And with that, she turns to leave the room... but not the way we came.
She navigates the place like she knows it, but it soon becomes clear she was following something else... or should I say SomeONE else?
Going to a room filled with computers, I sense the tense emotions of the woman before I actually see her.
The Phoenix looks at her as if seeing through her, tossing out a statement as if it's an accusation,

[glow=red,2,300]You do not love Emma.[/glow]

[Lexa Pierce]

I stand up and pace, I've got nothing else to do at the moment. And I'm thinking it's definitely not my place to rush in while the others are with Emma. I still don't understand what happened. How do people just keep coming back from the dead? I get that Adam faked his death, or his clone's, whatever. I'm still eating sour grapes over that one. But Emma was dead, really and truly. And now she's back, with no explanation?! I don't buy it. It's not right, it's not natural. Yeah, and what's natural about being a mutant, right? I run my hands through my hair, blowing out a puff of air, trying to calm down and think. No one is answering my damn questions, and if I bust in on the reunion now, I'm right back to being the bad guy. Which is where I might already be now that Emma's back.

I spin around as I hear a voice, and see a woman standing there. "Who the hell are you?" I ask in a snide manner, bringing light into the first two fingers of my right hand. I keep the hand down, not sure if I should shoot her with a laser now, or wait until she attacks. "And how did you get in here?" No alarms, and she was no hologram. I pulled the light back inside and crossed my arms over my chest. "I never knew Emma, how the hell can I love someone I don't know? And what does all this have to do with you?" She didn't look like she worked for the Dominion, and somehow, I suspected she had answers, answers to the questions I not only asked, but the ones burning in my mind as well.

I was not in the mood for this. We had things to do, somewhere, someone needed our help. But everyone else was busy, wrapped up in Emma's miracle return. They might as well forget all about me. I could bend the light spectrum, go invisible and get out the same way I'd come in after Emma died. No one would see, no one would know. And no one would miss me. They had Emma back, what did they need me for now, anyway? "Look, if it's all the same to you, whoever you are, this isn't really a good time." I was ready to pack my things and get the hell out of here. I'd miss Jesse, but he didn't need to know that. In the long run, he'd be better off with me gone, they all would. And leaving this way would hurt less, in time.

[Jean Grey]

The woman seems as tense as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs, and seeing some strange woman walk in, doesn't seem to make her situation any better.
But the Phoenix is determined to get answers to questions she's not sharing with me at this time. If I answered them for her with words, she wouldn't get to feel the things she's feeling from Lexa, and feelings, are the reason the Phoenix joined with me, above any other reasons to be found concerning the M'Kraan Crystal, saving the X-Men for me, and all that drama combined.

[glow=red,2,300]I am the Phoenix, and I am Jean Grey.
I can be anywhere. [/glow]
Oh that's it! Answer with cryptic quotes... she's just gonna warm right up to that! If I had control at all over my body, I'd smack my forehead for emphasis on that note.
One thing that never ceases to confound me, is that with all of my own emotions, and all of my Telepathy, the Phoenix still can't seem to identify enough with people to come down to their level.
It's only the special times, when we are truly merged and working together that get that out of her.
She tilts my head to the side, again, like a cat that wants to understand it's master's words.

[glow=red,2,300]You are a part of her family.
Her family loves you, and they love her.
You feel pain, because she is back. [/glow]
Clearly ignoring the 'it's not a good time' comment, she puts her hand to my chest, looking directly at Lexa,

[glow=red,2,300]You doubt their love.
But their love does not doubt you.
You will leave, and make them weak?
Is love not enough for you?[/glow]
Getting a front row seat to this show, I must admit, I'm impressed a bit.
The Phoenix sees love as the strongest emotion, from all of our experiences, and seeing Lexa's thoughts of leaving confuse her.

[Lexa Pierce]

I almost laughed out loud at her preposterous answer. 'I am the Phoenix...blah blah blah.' "Ok, sure, and that means what exactly? That you're some super powered mutant, so big and bad you're off the radar. Come on lady, that kind of shit doesn't fly with me." She can be anywhere, what a crock! If she can be anywhere why the hell did she choose to be here? "If you can be anywhere, you're here why, again?" I might as well ask it, even if her answers are as little as I expected from the Dominion, at least she was answering. Ok, this is getting too fucking weird. She's reading me like an open book, and that's one thing I most definitely am not.

"Look, it's none of your damn business. Yeah, ok, so I care for them. And I guess they care for me, but what does that have to do with jack shit now that Emma's back? Do you have any idea how much they resented me for showing up after she died? How do you think they feel about me now? Now that she's back? Whatever they feel for me, pales in comparison to what they feel for her." What the hell is this chick on? "So shoot me for being human and having a few doubts. If you had my life, you'd think twice about some things too. And for the record, you don't know me, you don't know any of us! Get off your high horse before I knock you off." I was getting angry, a common emotion to retreat to when I feel threatened. I didn't feel physically threatened by her, just...how did she know all this crap anyway? All this talk about love.

I brought light back to my fingers, and this time I raised my hand and pointed it at her. "I am NOT weak. Leaving will not make them weak. They're whole now, with Emma. That's all they need! They don't need me!" But all her talk of love hit a chord deep inside me and of all the damned things, I was crying. "Fuck." I dropped my hand, the light I'd gathered diminishing. I wiped a streak of tears from my cheek, now embarrassed more than anything else. "How do you know all this? How do you know what I feel, what I need?" Was love enough for me? Did they really love me enough to want me to stick around, even with Emma back? I didn't blame Emma, or hold anything against her. She was part of the team way before I showed up. Ok, technically I was first, but that didn't work out so well. Adam's real team, Shalimar, Jesse, Brennan, and Emma, they were family, they were close. In the last year, I'd gotten close to them too. But to be here now, with Emma, felt like I'd just be a fifth wheel, in the way. I couldn't do that to them. And I wasn't big on being in the way. I looked back at Jean Grey, Phoenix, whoever she was. "Why do you even care? What does it matter to you what I do?"

[Jean Grey]

The Phoenix seems all to happy to answer her questions it seems, which is about fair, since she's asking stuff in return, and totally expects to be answered.

[glow=red,2,300]Jean Grey is an Omega Level Mutant.
The Phoenix is a Cosmic Force.
Shalimar's love for Emma brought me here.[/glow]
Lexa seems to be pushed to her limits now, flipping off lots of questions, but the Phoenix isn't backing down one bit, answering them in tandem:

[glow=red,2,300]I brought Emma back for love, and you do not love her.
It is my business.
I know what they feel.
Their love for you makes them stronger.[/glow]
Her threat to knock the Phoenix off her high horse causes us both to raise an eyebrow, but there's no fear. The Phoenix is pretty much Omnipotent, and could shut down her attack before she can put any thought to motion.

[glow=red,2,300]If you leave, they will become weaker.
You are a part of the family.
A family is strongest when together, fractured and weaker in it's individual parts.
Emma is a Tele-Empath, she will feel their sadness, if you leave.
She will also become weaker.[/glow]
Lexa starts crying, and part of me wants to break the Phoenix's hold just long enough to show her some humanity, she seems to need it so much!

[glow=red,2,300]I know all of this, because I know you.
I am the nexus of all psionic energy, I know everyone on this planet, and all others.
I care because if you leave, you will make them weak, my blessing will become a curse, and Emma will perish.
What you do matters to me, because it can destroy the beauty I have restored.[/glow]

[Lexa Pierce]

Finally some real answers, and that goes a long way to cutting off my tears. I'm cataloging most of what she says, so that I can run a search on her later. Jean Grey, Omega Level Mutant; The Phoenix, a Cosmic Force. That should at least yeild something. How could we not have known about this force, and Omega Level, whatever that means? "Ok, so let me make sure I've got all this straight. You're Jean Grey, and Omega Level Mutant. Which I assume means you're uber powerful. You're also The Phoenix, a Cosmic Entity, somehow. And Shalimar's the reason you're here, in Sanctuary. You're saying she brought you here, out of her love for Emma. And that you brought Emma back from the dead, just because of love?" Even on a good day, this would be too much. I'd never heard of such a thing, let alone imagined it. So maybe love is the strongest emotion on Earth, if it can bring this woman here, and in turn she can bring the dead back to life.

I thought carefully about what she said. I couldn't find any holes, any reason not to believe her. It was true, families were stronger together. It didn't matter how many people where in your family, as a unit, it was healthy, strong, able to overcome anything thrown their way. Separate, a family unit was weaker. In covert ops, it was a gaurantee if you took out a target's family members, they came crawling on their knees, or busting in wanting revenge. Either way, they came right to your door. I couldn't let Shal, Jesse, and Brennan down, I couldn't inflict more pain and suffering on them if my leaving would truly bring that. I had no right to inflict pain on Emma, by making her suseptible to their sadness. I would not be the weak link on the team. If staying meant everyone would be ok, then I'd stay. For Jesse. For Shal & even for Brennan. For Emma. And most of all, for myself. I hated to admit it, and might never do so aloud, but I was part of something here. I had a place to belong. They didn't use me like the Dominion, they treated me as an equal. But still, if Jean Grey/The Phoenix was so powerful, knew all this so intimately, why hadn't she acted sooner? Why hadn't she come when Emma first died? That would have saved them all from 2 years of grieving. And I never would have become a part of Mutant X. But that's not all..... I felt the heat of anger burning once again, so intense as it wrapped around my guilt, my suffering, my sadness, I had no choice but to be swept up by my own emotions. I stared coolly at her, suddenly ready to take out all my frustration on her, a complete stranger.

"Yeah, well if you know us all so well, why not me, huh? Why didn't you come down from Heaven, or up from Hell, or wherever it is you came from, when I killed my brother to save Brennan? He was my twin! Why didn't you come then and bring him back?" Just like that, it all came back, the anger, the hurt, everything I felt after losing Leo crashed over my like a tidal wave. I wasn't strong, not in this moment. My legs felt weak, sagging under my weight, and moreso the weight of my conscience. I dropped slowly to my knees and clung to the woman there, something completely out of character for me, but in this moment, she was all I had. "Why? Why not bring Leo back? Didn't I love him enough? Please!? Tell me what we did so wrong. Tell me why Emma and not Leo! I did it to save Brennan! He would have killed Brennan if I hadn't stopped him. I killed my own brother, and for what? FOR WHAT?" I was sobbing, my fists pounding against her thighs as I raged in grief. Cosmic Force or not, she was unfortunately the only one I could blame right now, and I needed to blame someone. Holding it all in was killing me. I hadn't even known that until now.

[Jean Grey]

Lexa tries hard to put things into perspective, but it's not so easy. I can sympathize. I went years not fully understanding the Cosmic levels of things, and it took encountering other Cosmic entities to straighten me out. It took years for me to accept the Phoenix completely.

[glow=red,2,300]You are correct.[/glow]
The Phoenix replies.
She seems to come to something of an understanding of the situation, we can feel her resolve to stay.
But the woman's a tough shell to crack, and clings to her anger well in the face of all other emotions threatening to bring her down.
When her anger mixes with grief, and she sinks to the floor, berating the Phoenix for not being there when she killed her own twin, the Phoenix finally seems to come down a couple notches, toward a more humane stance.

[glow=red,2,300]Jean Grey was dead, at that time, and we were not on this Earth when it happened.
But if we were, I still would not have brought your brother back.[/glow]
Lexa pounds on my thighs, sinking further into despair, and the Phoenix waits until she's finished, sinking to my knees to hold her in my arms, continuing to answer her questions;

[glow=red,2,300]When you killed your brother, you granted him mercy, you gave him peace.
If I brought him back, he would suffer, and you would be forced to take his life again.
Because of me, Jean Grey has died 13 times, and come back. Every time there is pain and suffering, and those she loves have guilt and bitterness for having hands in her death.
Your brother would be the same, and everyone around him would be brought down for it, including yourself.
He would become bitter, and he would resent you for ending his life.
I cannot take your pain or your guilt away, I cannot bring him back.
But I can give you better insight to your actions.
I can assure you that because of your actions, he is at peace.
He died loving you, and your actions did not change that love.
Because of you, he was saved from worse horrors this world would press upon him.
Death is not an end, it is a change.
Where he is now, he still loves you.[/glow]
Phoenix raises my hands before Lexa's face, a Telepathic representation of Leo coming to life before her.
She fills Lexa's senses with his essence, allowing her to feel His love again.

[glow=red,2,300]He lives on, within you.
It is your love, that makes him eternal[/glow]

[Lexa Pierce]

I glared up at her through my tears. All my resentment now centered on her. What made Emma any different from Leo? I struggled through my own feelings to really listen to her, somehow I had a deeper understanding that what she said was undeniable truth. But it didn't mean I was happy about it. She could have done something, that too was undeniable. Only, she didn't. Then she's on her knees before me, her hands gripping my arms as she continues. I know what she says is truth, as much as I want to make it false, call her a liar, and kick her ass all the way out of Sanctuary. I just can't.

To think that I finally gave Leo some peace, something I couldn't seem to give him in life, broke something inside of me. My grief trembled, shattering to smaller fragments. "I loved him so much. He's was my all. Everything I did was for Leo. Everything." My heart sank, but Jean, the Phoenix was keeping it afloat, lifting it ever higher with her words and actions. Suddenly, a manifestation, or vision, of Leo was before me. "Leo!" I cried harder, reaching for him, knowing I couldn't touch him, not ever again. I fell forward, into Jean, sobbing for all I was worth. As embarrassing as it was to be crying on a complete stranger's shoulder, it was easier than letting my teammates see me like this.

I sniffed after a time, pulling myself back together. "Thank you. For everything." In the moments this woman had been in our presence, she'd changed everything. She'd brought Emma back from the grave, and helped me through the grief of not only losing my twin brother, but taking his life to save Brennan. For the first time in years I was whole again. But if life has taught me anything, its that nothing comes without a price. "What do you want for all this? You've done so much for us, you must want something in return." Nothing in life was ever free.

[Jean Grey]

Lexa falls into my arms, and the Phoenix holds her.
Not knowing her, and not being familiarly attached, she is completely without judgment or any particular feeling toward this. She holds her, patient, observant only of the emotions themselves, not concerned about much else in this exchange.
The Phoenix knows love, but she doesn't understand grief.
When we are Dark Phoenix, and we burn everything away, grief over the lost is not a part of it. The Cycle is Rebirth, and so 'ending' that leads to grief, is not a concept she recognizes.
Lexa pulls back, still sniffling a bit, thanking us now, instead of the seat of negativity she had moments ago.
Her next question actually seems to bother the Phoenix a bit.

[glow=red,2,300] You humans, always thinking I want something in return.[/glow]
With Lexa regaining composure, the Phoenix moves a step back, her hand on my hip,

[glow=red,2,300]You all take your emotions for granted.[/glow]
I can feel anger and a bit of... resentment flow through me, as the Phoenix's own interactions start to effect the emotions of the body.
No one but I actually realize how bad of a sign that can be.
When the Phoenix actually has her own emotions... Especially those of a negative persuasion, we are Dark.
She experiences my emotions, and can even feed from them... but the self realization of her own will further the Phoenix's natural cycle.
We are here for a reason, if we go Dark now, we will not accomplish our own tasks.
Though I've been sitting back idle, watching the Phoenix with these people, I can't do that anymore. I can't let this continue.
But try hard as I might, I can't break her control...

[glow=red,2,300]Without this body, I feel NOTHING.
When there's no feeling, there's no direction. No SELF.
Shalimar, Brennon, Jesse, and you, have shown me your love.
And You, have shown me your grief.
So much powerful emotion. So much feeling.
I got what I came for.[/glow]
And just like that, POOF! she goes back inside of me.
I blink my eyes, to prove I'm under my own control, and cover my mouth with my hand, shaking from just how close that got to being Dark, and the Phoenix's anger still flowing through my veins like living flame.
I give a deep breath, shutting my eyes just a moment, to bring my entire body back to calm, and all me, the Phoenix held back inside.
But with how easily she escaped my control, just to bring us here for this, do I really have any control on her? Or is she just leading me to think I do?

[glow=red,2,300]I.... I'm sorry.[/glow]
I can feel my face red with embarrassment.
Coming out like this, so suddenly, in Lexa's face, I feel like an eavesdropper suddenly exposed.

[glow=red,2,300]Since the Phoenix seems to be... done... Could you show me the front door? I really don't want to use the level of power it will take to get out on my own.[/glow]
Until I have time to self examine my head, the thought of Telekinetically rearranging my Molecules back in the mansion, seems a bit too risky on the delicate balance I try to keep.
Universe forbid I end up materializing in front of Emma, and the Phoenix and her decide to have it out before I realize my body's even there...